Welcome
Do you feel dry and barren, like a desert on a hot summer day? No life. No excitement–crippled by fear and anxiety. This dry and lifeless season of fear has zapped all your energy, all your strength, all your joy and peace. All your hope.
You are desperately searching for some water, some life-–something to give you hope, something to hold onto in this dark, season of fear and panic.
Everybody experiences some anxiety in their life, but the fear I am referring to is no ordinary fear. When a person experiences a panic attack, it can be the worst, most debilitating experience ever encountered.Panic attacks can cripple and destroy lives, pushing people into alcohol, drugs and other coping mechanisms. Some people can’t leave their homes. Others can’t drive. The world of a panic sufferer grows smaller and smaller with each passing day.
This website is about my story and the story of others who have experienced freedom from fear, anxiety and panic attacks. Today, I am completely free from panic attacks. After a life-long battle of crippling fear, I was able to find a path to peace. Fear no longer controls my life, and I'm medication free. The thoughts of having a panic attack no longer come to mind. The things I used to fear are now things I love to do. I am experiencing freedom, and I'm fully convinced that you can too.
Take time to read through these stories–stories of hope, faith and peace. It is my hope and my prayer that you will soon experience your Season of Peace.
Blog posts
Letting Go and Letting God
Letting Go and Letting God
I’ll admit it. It really bothers me. I can’t understand why bad things happen to good people. And, just as confusing, how good things happen to bad people. It just irks me. It doesn’t make sense to my logical mind.
Scanning through a magazine one day, I read story after story of starving children, natural disasters, diseases and plagues, and it really hit me hard. “Why, Lord? I just want to know why!” I would read these articles in tears, weeping for what seemed to be the unjustness of it all. “Why Lord?” I continued to question.
I began to look back at a time when the children of Israel had just left Egypt. God’s miraculous hand had delivered them from Pharaoh’s grip. Their prayers were answered. They were free people–free from the bondage of slavery.
And now, God established new rules and regulations–a new way of living. The boundaries were clear. The system of justice was straightforward and fair. You didn’t break the law. Period. If you did, you were punished. And, to further my acceptance of this system, the punishment was based on severity of the offense.
A minor trespass–a fine.
A major trespass–death.
It was fair.
It was just.
It made sense.
Not to mention, God was there in their camp with his people. By day, he was a cloud that descended upon the Tabernacle. By night, a pillar of fire. You could see and hear God. If you had a question, you’d just ask Moses and he would inquire of God for you. “Should I start this job? Is this my spouse for life? Can I carry my Bible to school?” Questions were answered clearly. The objectiveness of it all made sense to my logical mind.
But to my amazement, these people still grumbled (Exodus 16:2). They complained (Numbers 11:1). They doubted (Numbers 14:3). And, even more shocking, they rebelled against God (Deut. 9:24). God was just. He was fair. He did not hide himself. He spoke to the people. But still, they turned from him.
I guess I liked this system of law, because it created a sense of control. You were the one in control of your destiny. If you messed up, you had to deal with the consequences. There was no need for an intimate relationship with God. In fact, the people told Moses, “You speak to God for us” (Exodus 20:19).
Being in control gives us this vain sense of peace. “If I can just maintain control, everything will be all right.” When things are beyond our control, anxiety and fear wells up within our heart. I believe that’s why the fear of death is so common with people with panic attacks. It is something beyond our control.
Looking back across the ages, through the Old and New Covenants, God declared that the age of Grace–the age of Jesus Christ–is a better covenant with better promises (Hebrews 8:6). Why is this a better time to live in? I believe it’s because we are called to have an intimate relationship with our Father, not a life full of rules and regulations. We are called a blessed people, because we live in an age where sin is forgiven through Jesus (Romans 4:8).
Today, I encourage you to surrender your control to God. Live your life in Christ, for a surrendered life is a life full of peace. When you relinquish your control to God, he will wrap his arms of love around you, and the fearful vulnerability will melt away.
“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” (Galatians 2:20).
Prayer: Lord, I have tried for so long to control everything in my life. You have not called us to be in control. You have called us to surrender our lives to you. Lord, I put my trust in you. I put my hope in you. Thank you for allowing me to let go of those I can’t control, and giving me the courage to let of the things I can control.
Faith versus Fear
Over the years, I’ve heard numerous people teach on faith versus fear? It goes something like this: “Faith and fear are opposites. When you have faith, there is no fear.”
I’ve heard these types of messages for years. But honestly, I don’t believe faith and fear are opposing forces that directly fight against one another. Rather, I believe that exist together. When fear strikes, what do you need most during that difficult time–faith!
When fear pounds your mind, you have to reach up to God and trust him. You have to believe that God is there for you. That’s faith. Fear will demand many things from you:
“What if something happens to you.”
“You’ve failed before.”
“Something is wrong.”
You respond to fear with faith. You see, faith and fear happen at the same time.
Looking through the Bible, I cannot find any direct references that faith and fear are opposites. Rather, this is what I found: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love” (1 John 4:18).
In this scripture, I do see two opposites: fear and love. The scripture does not say, “perfect faith casts out fear.” No. Perfect love casts out fear.
There is something about the love of God that breaks down the walls of fear. In my quest for peace, I’ve learned about my Father in heaven who loves me so much and cares for me in ways I could never comprehend. Truly, perfect love casts out fear.
The faith you need to fight fear is the faith that God really loves you, and that he cares for you. How much does he love you? Let the following scripture speak to your heart: “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38).
There is nothing natural or supernatural than can separate you from the love of God in Christ. Nothing. But, you must receive it. If I give you a gift, it does you no good until you receive it. Today, receive the love of God in a new way–a way that you can be made perfect in his love.
Prayer: Lord, when the fear comes pounding on my mind, give me the strength I need to trust you. Your perfect love casts out all fear. Lord, I know you love me, and I trust in your love. Thank you for watching over me. My hope is in you.
Fearfully and Wonderfully Made
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well” (Psalms 139:13-14).
This is an incredible verse of scripture. We are “fearfully and wonderfully made”. I don’t think we can even imagine how complex our bodies and minds are. Let me give you one example of the complexity of human life:
The morning this message was created, I started thinking about what to share with you. The electrical impulses of my brain were in motion as thoughts swirled around in my mind. Memories were recalled about scriptures that I had read, and ideas formulated within my mind.
Next, I started communicating these thoughts onto my computer. Each letter of each word was first translated into an electrical impulse that stimulated a muscle in my finger, hands and arms to press a given key on the keyboard. That letter then appeared on a monitor that beamed light into my eye. Those beams of light then communicated images to my brain as the correct letter in which I had intended to press. (This did not happen all the time.) Those combination of images were compared with other images. My mind scanned all possible meanings to make sure the message was conveyed.
Then, I pressed the “Send” button, and this group of letters and words were transmitted via a computer network–yet another vast complex system created in the minds of other people–to another computer where it is stored for retrieval. Then, you logged on to your computer, and downloaded your latest messages. This one appeared.
As your eyes scanned across the page, your mind was forming the words each letter created. Again, the contrast between black and white (or whatever color you are using) allowed your eyes to send different electrical impulses to the brain so that your brain could distinguish which pixel is on and off. This created images compared with other images in your memory. These images were placed together with other images creating a word. This word again calls to your memory and brings up a meaning. Your mind sorted through all of the various meanings possible, and then settled on the proper meaning. Then, your eye scanned to the next word. On and on, you read.
Finally, the thoughts conveyed in this message are communicated from my mind to yours.
Now, add to that the spiritual component–God moving through your thoughts and impressions. God’s Spirit communicating to your mind, showing you how involved and complex we are. The entire process is unfathomable. “Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain” (verse 6).
Each one of you is very special in God’s eyes. He created you. He shaped and formed you physically, mentally and spiritually. If God will go to such depths to create us, don’t you think his love for us goes even further?
Prayer: Lord, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. You have created me special. You formed me in my mother’s womb, and you knew all of my days before even one of them came to pass. You care for me so much. You love me more than I know. Thank you for that love, Father.
The Desert – Finding God in the Dry Places
The desert. A place of desolation and isolation. No food. No water. Nothing to sustain you.
When I think about “desert experiences,” two stories from the Bible come to mind.
The first is about the children of Israel. After their miraculous deliverance from Egypt, they were only weeks away from entering into the Promise Land. Yet, when faced with “giant” opposition, doubts entered their hearts, and they were forced into the desert where they wandered for 40 years (Numbers 14).
The second is about Jesus. After his baptism in the Jordan River, he was led into the desert for 40 days where he was tested (Matthew 4).
Obviously, “desert experiences” are not pleasant, even painful. Can anything good come from them? Deuteronomy touches on a possible purpose for these wilderness experiences:
“Remember how the Lord your God has led you in the desert for these forty years, taking away your pride and testing you, because he wanted to know what was in your heart. He wanted to know if you would obey his commands” (v. 8:2).
For the children of Israel, God miraculously fed them each day. God was their source. Jesus fasted during his 40 days in the desert. And like the children of Israel, God was his source.
The desert is a place where nothing natural will sustain you. It’s a place where things don’t always go the way you planned. Sometimes, it’s a place where you question your own faith in God–a place that reveals your heart.
Any experience with panic or fear is a desert experience. It’s not pleasant. It’s a difficult place to be. But, it’s also a place where God becomes your source:
Your source of peace.
Your source of rest.
Your source of provision.
Be encouraged that God is with you. Yes, it may be difficult, and it may be lonely. But your Father is with you–holding you, guarding you, watching over you. And remember, you are going through this experience “so that things will go well for you in the end” (Deut. 8:16).
Prayer: Father, this desert of anxiety and panic is very lonely. It’s a place where there seems to be no life, no joy. Lord, I know that here in the desert, I am being tested. Nothing here will sustain me except you. I put my trust in you, Father.
A Child is Born
A Child is Born
That night some shepherds were in the fields outside the village, guarding their flocks of sheep. Suddenly, an angel of the Lord appeared among them, and the radiance of the Lord’s glory surrounded them.
They were terribly frightened, but the angel reassured them. “Don’t be afraid!” he said. “I bring you good news of great joy for everyone! The Savior–yes, the Messiah, the Lord–has been born tonight in Bethlehem, the city of David! And this is how you will recognize him: You will find a baby lying in a manger, wrapped snugly in strips of cloth!”
Suddenly, the angel was joined by a vast host of others–the armies of heaven–praising God: “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and peace on earth to all whom God favors.”
When the angels had returned to heaven, the shepherds said to each other, “Come on, let’s go to Bethlehem! Let’s see this wonderful thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”
They ran to the village and found Mary and Joseph. And there was the baby, lying in the manger. Then the shepherds told everyone what had happened and what the angel had said to them about this child. All who heard the shepherds’ story were astonished, but Mary quietly treasured these things in her heart and thought about them often. The shepherds went back to their fields and flocks, glorifying and praising God for what the angels had told them, and because they had seen the child, just as the angel had said (Luke 2:8-20).
When I think about this story, I often overlook Mary’s response to all of this. In this story, the shepherds were amazed at this “wonderful thing”. And when the shepherds told the others, they too were “astonished”. There was an incredible atmosphere in Bethlehem. Heaven had touched earth.
And, when we read about how Mary responded, we learn that she “quietly treasured these things in her heart and thought about them often.” Her heart was filled with thoughts of the Messiah, thoughts of Jesus.
It reminds of the carol we sing at this time of year. The carol declares:
Joy to the world! The Lord is come:
let earth receive her King!
Let every heart prepare him room,
and heaven and nature sing.
I love that line, “Let every heart prepare him room.” Is your heart open for the King? Have you prepared him room in your heart? If not, let me encourage you this Christmas week to slow down. Take a break from your hectic schedule of last-minute shopping, wrapping presents, cooking big meals and whatever has so consumed your time.
Prepare room in your heart for him. Take some time as Mary did to quietly treasure this incredible event. Think about it often as she did. Let your heart rejoice at the true meaning of Christmas–Christ was born to redeem your life from destruction.
And when you do, let’s join the angels in declaration: “Glory to God in the highest heaven!”
Guided by the Holy Spirit
In high school, one of my favorite subjects was math. The formulas, expressions and rules came naturally to me. I enjoyed the challenge of working through and solving problems.
In college, I was able to use my math ability to tutor people who struggled in this area. I would walk them through the problems and explain the rules and procedures. I would remind them of what the teacher said and how to apply those teachings.
In our everyday life, we also have a Tutor–one who walks with us everyday teaching and counseling. One who reminds us of the things Jesus taught.
Jesus said, “All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you” (John 14:25-26).
At this very moment, Jesus is seated at the right hand of the Father (Mark 16:19). But, we are not left alone. Jesus sent the Holy Spirit to us to be our link between heaven and earth, our line of communication between the natural and supernatural. The Holy Spirit comforts us and counsels us. He teaches us and reminds us of the things Jesus taught.
Do you have a hard time understanding the Bible? Ask the Holy Spirit to teach you as you read. Do you not know how to handle a certain situation? Ask the Holy Spirit to remind you what Jesus would do.
“Can I really hear the Holy Spirit?” The answer is yes. The voice of our Father speaks through his Holy Spirit. He is like our long distance, telephone link. As we talk and communicate with people over a telephone line, so we also can talk with our Father in heaven through His Holy Spirit.
Have you ever thought, “I really need to pray today.” That’s the Holy Spirit reminding you. Have you done something you know was wrong? That “knowing” is the Holy Spirit convicting you.
Next time fear begins to rise up within you, listen carefully to the Holy Spirit. You will hear your Father say, “No need to worry. I will be with you. I will protect you. Trust me.”
Prayer: Father, tutor me. Teach me. Show me how to trust you more. Through the Holy Spirit, counsel me on how to surrender my fears and my anxieties to you, for you can be trusted.
Finding God’s peace through Thankfulness
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).
The first thing to do when you are anxious about something is to present your requests to God. What are you anxious about? What is causing stress in your life? Is it out of your control? Present those things to God. Take them to him in prayer. When you do, pray and petition God with thanksgiving. Being thankful can be a wonderful “anxiety reliever”.
My wife and I went to Ukraine when we were first married. This is a poverty-stricken country. The average salary there was $15 a month. They are a poor people. When my wife and I stayed there for three weeks, we became so grateful for the things we do have in America. A house, a car, clean water, fresh food, etc. We were so grateful for the blessings in our life.
With God, we take so many things for granted–our life, our children, our health, our spouse, our salvation, on and on. We have so many things to be grateful for. When we pray to God, we should tell him how thankful we are for the wonderful things he has done in our lives.
By giving thanks to God for the things he has done, we take our eyes off our problems and look upon his blessings over us. We can also be thankful to God because he will answer us faithfully. Whatever his answer may be, our Father can be trusted. Thank him for being such a loving Father.
Finally, as you are thankful in your prayers to God, then “the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” God’s peace will guard your heart and your mind.
Does your heart and your mind need a touch of God’s peace? Be thankful.
Prayer: Father, I am so grateful for the blessings you have poured into my life. I thank you for saving my soul and promising me that we’ll be together in heaven. Thank you for guarding my life and keep me safe.
Trusting your Father
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and don’t lean on your own understanding”(Proverbs 3:5).
For me, this was the key scripture that catapulted me down the road to recovery. When we trust God with our lives and don’t try to figure things out on our own, then fear–no matter what it may be–does not have foothold in our lives.
It all comes down to trust. Can you trust God with your life? With your death? With your family? When your heart is racing and your mind is filled with fear? Can you not fight those uninvited thoughts? Can you stand still and see the salvation of the Lord?
My first victory over panic attacks came when I was sitting in a recliner holding my son. The panic hit. My mind was racing. Then, I thought, “Lord, I don’t care what happens. I will trust you. If I die, then I die. Whatever happens, I will trust you.”
Do you know what happened? The fear came and went. It didn’t stay around long enough to do anything. No panic attack. No overwhelming fear. It just came to pass.
That was my first victory. Since then, I’ve been able to rest during an attack. Occasionally, an attack will get the best of me. But, I press into God and spend time alone with him. I pray and worship until I can hear that still, small voice encourage me, “Don’t fear, my child. You can trust me.”
I pray that each one of you will experience the overcoming power of trusting our Father. Our salvation was paid for with a very high price–the death of God’s Son. Do you think God would pay such a high price for our lives and not watch over us?
This weekend, let me encourage you to do two things: First, don’t lean on your own understanding–don’t try to figure it all out. Secondly, trust God. Trust your Father in heaven. When the fear hits, pray, “Father, I will trust you no matter what happens. With all that I am, I will trust you.” Then, just rest in his arms of love, and he will carry you. He will not let you fall.
Prayer: Father, I trust you. I put all of my trust in you, for you are my King, my Protector, my Lord. My hope is in you.
Responding in Faith
I am learning more and more about faith each day. In the past, faith–as I understood it–was the ability to muster up enough belief in something that it would come to pass. “If you just had enough faith…” Faith, I am learning, is more than what you believe–it’s how you respond according to what you believe.
Faith is perfected through testing. When things come crashing in all around you, faith is what you stand on. When all of your “religion” and formulas begin to crumble, faith is what’s left. You can read about the great people of faith in Hebrews 11. It talks about how they believed God was good no matter what happened to them.
I thought about Job. Here was a man who lost it all: his family, his possessions, his health. All his friends reasoned and assumed his suffering was because of sin. Job, on the other hand, did not lose his faith. He trusted God, even if God was going to slay him (Job 13:15).
Then, there’s Jesus, the ultimate in suffering. His faith was perfect, yet he was tested. Even when his friends deserted him and the cross was ahead, his faith was that God knew what he was doing. He trusted God. He trusted his Father. He had faith that through his suffering, God would be glorified.
“We have around us many people whose lives tell us what faith means. So, let us run the race that is before us and never give up. We should remove from our lives anything that would get in the way and the sin that so easily holds us back. Let us look only to Jesus, the One who began our faith and who makes it perfect. He suffered death on the cross. But he accepted the shame as if it were nothing because of the joy that God put before him. And now he is sitting at the right side of God’s throne. Think about Jesus’ example. He held on while wicked people were doing evil things to him. So, do not get tired and stop trying” (Hebrews 12:1-3).
Prayer: Father, sometimes it’s hard to stand strong when things all around me are crumbling in. But, I know that faith is holding on to you when I don’t feel like holding on. Faith is choosing to trust you when I can’t see clearly, think clearly or even do things correctly. Give me the strength I need to trust you more.
The Foundation of Faith
“Everyone who hears my words and obeys them is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. It rained hard, the floods came, and the winds blew and hit the house. But, it did not fall, because it was built on the rock” (Matthew 7:24-25).
This scripture is about the foundation of our faith. As an engineer, I can understand the importance of a good foundation. Take a tall building for example. Were it not for a good foundation, the building would be unstable and dangerous.
The is true with God. If our faith does not have a solid foundation, then we will be tossed about by every wind and wave of doctrine (Ephesians 4:14).
But what is this “solid foundation”? Jesus himself explains in the verse above. A solid foundation is built by hearing his words AND obeying them. It’s more than just hearing the commands of Jesus–it’s obeying them. James 1:22 says, “Do what God’s teaching says; when you only listen and do nothing, you are fooling yourselves.”
Where is your foundation? Is your foundation based on the promises of a friend, the hopes of a doctor, the security of a spouse, the marvel of a new medicine? Or, is your confidence in the person of Jesus Christ? Is your foundation on sand or the Rock?
One thing if for sure: the rains will come, the flood waters will rise and the wind will blow hard. Your foundation will be tested.
Prayer: Lord, I ask you to reveal your Foundation, your Rock, to each one reading this. I ask that you show them the importance of this solid foundation. Help them to trust you more and obey the commands of Jesus. Show them that the storms of life will come, but with a solid foundation, we can trust you no matter what life throws our way. In Jesus’ name. Amen.