The man must have owed the king millions. The guards grabbed him one day while he was at work. They dragged him into the king’s court. He didn’t resist, for he knew why he was being summoned.

As he lay prostrate before the king, an attendant read a list of his debts. “Five and a half million dollars in taxes and penalties.” The amount sent chills up the man’s spine. He knew it was more than he could ever pay.

“Take this man, and throw him in jail,” ordered the king. “We will sell his land, his children and his wife to pay off his debt. Then, he will work as my slave for the rest of his life.”

The man began to weep. “Please be patient with me, king. I will pay back your debt. I love my family. Please do not take them away. I will do what it takes to pay you back.”

The king was moved with compassion by the man’s obvious cry for mercy. “Sir, I can see that your heart is broken. Today, let it be known that this man’s debt is canceled. Nothing shall be required of him. Send him home to his family. Sir, you are a free man.”

The man left for home free from his debts. As he crossed the street, he encountered one of his workers. In fact, this worker owed him 50 dollars. “Where’s my money? You’ve owed me 50 bucks for almost a year. I want it now!”

The poor servant cried out, “Oh master, I know I owe you this money. Please give me some time to pay you back.”

The man screamed, “No! I can’t wait any longer. Off to jail until you pay it all.”

One of the king’s workers saw all this, and was amazed at how this man reacted. Word got back to the king, and the king summoned this man back to his court. “Sir, I canceled your debt of millions, and now you hold someone captive for 50 measly dollars? You will be punished.” In anger the king turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed (Matthew 18:23-34).

Jesus told his followers, “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart” (v. 35).

It should be obvious from this parable that unforgiveness can lead to torment and torture. It may not be physical, but it is a torture of the soul that many of us know. Is there someone in your life you haven’t forgiven?

If there is someone, ask God to show you how to release them. Forgiveness is a wonderful gift. We should share it with others.

Prayer: Father, forgive me of my sins as I forgive those who sin against me.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:2-4).

“Consider it pure joy…” What? A pure joy? How can I consider this fear, this panic, this pain a pure joy? The battle is too strenuous. The nightmare too real. It seems the fear does nothing but tear down and destroy. Destroy my peace, my sleep, my desires, my dreams.

And it’s not just one trial, but “trials of many kinds.” Oh Lord, help me! Why so many trials?

“…because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

If I wanted to teach my son how to swim, I could read to him the various techniques. I could teach him how to hold is breath. I could talk about the water, and how to stay afloat. We could even go down to the pool and watch people swim. But eventually, he would have to get into the water. In fact, the best situation would be to teach him while he was in the water. That’s where he would learn the fastest.

Many of us are “in the water” of fear. You can read and study and learn all day long about what you should do, but eventually you will need to get “in the water.” God builds our perseverance by daily testing our faith. That’s the only way he can teach us to trust him.

Prayer: Father, I admit that it is difficult for me to consider my trials a joy. However, I pray that this testing will strengthen me and build my faith so that I may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

“We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us” (Romans 5:3b-5).

Rejoice in suffering? Using the words “rejoice” and “suffering” in the same sentence seems like an oxymoron. How can anyone tell me to rejoice in my sufferings? I am sure they never knew the fear, the terror, the bondage of panic attacks.

Why do we suffer? Why do we go through struggles and disappointments in life? Why do we have to learn to “deal” with problems like agoraphobia and life-restricting fears?

I wish I had all those answers. But, I don’t. I can, however, share what the Word of God says. Our Father tells us that suffering produces perseverance–the supernatural ability to endure, the courage to stand firm and see the hand of God. Perseverance comes through being tested and challenged continuously.

When my son was two years old, I wanted to teach him to catch a ball. Since the motor skills and coordination of a two-year old are not fully developed, this proved to be a challenge. Each day, I would toss the ball up and he would throw his hands around like he was trying to catch it. His consistent dropping of the ball was occasionally interrupted by a successful catch.

“Yeah!” we all shouted. He kept trying. He persevered. In a matter of weeks, he was able to catch the ball more consistently. His perseverance resulted in the joy of success.

In the same way, we are faced with challenges every day. These challenges, as many of you can relate, are challenges that most people may not have to face. Going to the mall, driving a car, going some place by yourself or even going to bed at night can be colossal challenges for anyone battling panic disorder.

Yet, each challenge provides us with:

an opportunity to grow,
an occasion to learn, and
an option to persevere.

When we learn to persevere through our sufferings, we develop a more Godly character–a character which enables us to trust God through any circumstance. That Godly character births hope–hope that no matter what comes our way, God can be trusted.

Whenever you face a challenge, instead of asking God to remove the obstacle, ask him for the strength to persevere. Let him develop in you character and hope. You will learn to catch that ball. Soon, you will be so good at catching that you’ll be able to handle anything that is thrown your way.

Prayer: Father, thank you for my sufferings past, present and future because I know that through them I will become more like your Son. Give me the strength to persevere and the hope to rejoice no matter what my situation may be.

The wilderness. For forty years, the children of Israel wandered around in the wilderness. What could have taken 11 days, took four decades.

When I think of the wilderness, I think of a dry, barren place. A place where there is no refreshing water, no cool breeze–no life.

In many ways, I see fear and panic disorder like a wilderness. A place in our heart where there is no life, no growth–only a painful hot wind that scorches the joy from our lives.

When I first became a Christian, I used to cry out to God, “Lord, please help me out of this wilderness of fear and doubt.” For a while, I studied the children of Israel and their trek through this arid place. As I searched and searched for a reason why these people wandered for 40 years, I came across this scripture:

“Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD” (Deuteronomy 8:2-3).

The Israelites’ experience in the desert was a time of testing, a time of training, a time of transformation. The Lord was teaching his children how to trust in him, how to feed off of every word that comes from his mouth.

Do you remember why they were sentenced to 40 years in the desert? When the people heard about the giants in the land, they did not trust that the Lord would give them victory. They doubted. They came to the “Promised” Land, yet they did not believe in God’s promise.

Let me encourage you that there is a Promised Land:
A land of peace.
A land of growth.
A land of joy.
A land of rest.
A land of abundance.

Trust God. He will give you victory over the giants of fear and panic. He will go before you and defeat the enemy. Put your trust in him, and he will deliver you, “so that in the end it might go well with you” (Deuteronomy 8:16b).

Prayer: Father, I humble myself before you that I may not doubt your strength as the Israelites did. I trust you to guide me to the Promised Land of peace.

I heard a story one time about how shepherds dealt with wayward sheep. When a rebellious sheep would repeatedly drift off from the flock, the shepherd would be forced to break one of its legs. Then, he would gently bind it up and carry the sheep from pasture to pasture as he lead the flock. While the injured sheep could not walk, it depended completely on the shepherd. Later, after the leg was healed, the sheep still stayed close to the shepherd and never drifted away again.

“Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty. For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal” (Job 5:17-18).

Am I saying that panic attacks are discipline from the Lord? Maybe for some. For others, maybe not. I do know that these attacks force me to stay close to my Shepherd. When I drift away from him, things all around me seem to crumble, and the anxiety increases. My only choice is to run back to him.

Let me give you a more personal story:

My dad is a dog trainer. One particular dog he had was a great hunting dog, but he wouldn’t obey. My dad would send him out for a bird, and the dog would sniff it out. But, after that, he would run off somewhere and not come back for quite a while. Since my dad hunted near highways and rivers, it was dangerous for the dog to stray off. So my dad bought a shock collar.

Soon, the dog took off again. He had run so far away that I could barely see him. Then, my dad pressed the button, and you could hear a faint “arrrf.” In the distance, you could see the dog high-tailing it back to where we were. He wasn’t walking–he was running. After two episodes with this collar, the dog never needed it again.

Do you think God takes pleasure in allowing these attacks to come? Do you think the shepherd enjoys breaking the leg of his sheep? Do you think my dad was excited about shocking the dog? No. Is this temporary pain needed? In some cases, yes.

In my life, I feel like panic attacks are God’s shock collar for me. Spiritually, I drift away from my Shepherd. I hear my Master’s voice at a distance, but I don’t come running. I continue wandering further and further away–sometimes into dangerous areas. Yet, one attack gets me high-tailing it back to God as fast as I can run.

Prayer: Father, you are the Good Shepherd. Thank you for caring enough about me to “break my leg” when necessary and to carry me on your strong shoulders. Continue to do whatever it takes to keep me close to you.

Late one afternoon, my wife was reading her Bible. “Russ,” she said, “I want to read you this scripture.”

As she read it, I half-listened–not really paying attention. “Wait, go back and read that again,” I prodded. Something caught my attention.

“Who among you fears the LORD and obeys the word of his servant? Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God” (Isaiah 50:10).

As she read, each word pierced my heart. I knew what it was like to walk in darkness, as do many of you. How many times do you feel lost, alone, empty, directionless because of the darkness of fear that surrounds you? You feel like your candle is smoldering down to nothing, and there is no hope.

Here’s how I heard the words of that scripture in my heart: “Are you walking around all alone, empty, reaching around in the darkness of your fear? Reach out for God and trust him. Rely on your God.”

Then, as I was drifting off into the new found revelation of this scripture, my wife interrupted me, “Russ, listen to this next verse.”

“But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches, go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set ablaze. This is what you shall receive from my hand: You will lie down in torment” (v 11).

Wow! “Lie down in torment.” I knew that torment, as well. How many times have I lit my own torch in the darkness of fear and panic? How many times have I tried to walk in the light of my own efforts and strength?

I encourage you to lay down the torches you have made for yourself. Lay down your efforts, and trust God. Let his Light illuminate your way. His Light is more revealing, more healing, more peaceful than any light we could ever create.

Prayer: Father, reveal to me the difference between the torches I have lit on my own and the Light you provide. Lead me from the darkness of dread and doubt as I trust in you, that I may no longer suffer the torment of my own futile efforts.

The story of Job is a fascinating one. In his first wave of tribulations, four messengers came to his house while he was eating. The first told how enemies took his oxen and donkeys and executed the servants tending them. The second told of how lightning killed his sheep and more servants. The third told how the Chaldeans stole his camels and murdered still more of his servants. Then, the fourth messenger carried the worst news of all–a great storm killed all his sons and daughters.

What a tremendous tragedy! To lose all that you have in one day–one hour. The despair must have been overwhelming. Yet, here’s how Job responded:

Then he fell to the ground in worship” (1:20b).

What? Even in the midst of all his troubles, Job worshipped God? Even when his friends mocked him for it, Job worshipped God? And the Bible goes on to say that in all this, Job did not sin by blaming God (1:22). Personally, I think I would have blamed God. After all, he could have stopped it. He allowed it to happen.

I have never directly blamed God for my panic attacks, but I have said in my heart, “Lord, you have the power to take these away, but you haven’t.” I blamed him indirectly.

How can I worship God in the midst of these attacks? I would wonder. They are too devastating, too debilitating, too much for me to handle.

Then I look at Job.

Prayer: Father, I know you have a plan for my life. I am sorry if I have ever blamed you for the fearful, fleshly condition of my mind. Show me the areas of my life that need healing. Reveal to me anyone I need to forgive or release. You are the God of restoration–you alone can cleanse and heal. Begin restoring me today.

The pathway is broken
The signs are unclear
I can’t find the reason why You led me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I will go through the valley
If You want me to

Now I’m not who I was
When I took my first step
And I’m clinging to the promise
You’re not through with me yet
And if all of these trials can make me like You
I will go through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
‘Cause it leads me through a world that’s not my home
But You never said it would be easy
Only that I’ll never go alone

When the whole world turns against me
And I’m all by myself
And I can’t hear You answer my cries for help
I’ll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to

Posted in quotes, suffering | No Comments »