Years ago, I sat there flipping through a magazine trying to find something of value to read. I glanced around the waiting room wondering why these others were here to see the neurologist. Was this occasional tingling in my feet minor compared to what they were experiencing, I pondered.
A couple of weeks earlier, my family doctor recommended that I see this neurologist. Maybe he could determine why this was happening. He ordered some tests and an MRI. We were going to look over the results. “Mr. Pond?” the nurse said as she opened the door to the small rooms in the back.
As I looked around the room, posters of medications and charts covered the walls. Diagrams of the human circulation system looked like roadmaps of the great state of Humanity, red and blue lines intricately winding through the entire body.
“Hello Mr. Pond,” the doctor said as he entered the room. “The results are back, and here’s what we found: you have a slight case of neuropathy, which is causing this tingling sensation. It’s not serious or dangerous, just a nuisance.”
I smiled. “A nuisance. I can handle a nuisance”, I thought.
“Also,” the doctor continued, “we found something on the MRI. Something unrelated.” As he held up the big, black and white negative, he pointed to a small area on the left side of my brain. “Do you see that white spot?” I nodded. “We need to run some more tests on that. It could just be some bruising, or possibly a mass or tumor. I’ll order some more tests.”
After a few more questions, I talked with the nurse about the other tests and then headed home. As I walked out of the doctor’s office that day, my first thought was this: “Lord, you created this body. And, through Jesus Christ, I have surrendered it to you. You can do with it what you want. And whatever you want to do with it, that’s fine with me. Life or death, I will trust you no matter what.”
Later tests confirmed that it was a mass–a small one, but a mass nonetheless. The weeks ahead were very strange for me. I kept waiting for that impact, that rush of fear to hit. Nothing. My wife and I talked about it. We both waited for something painful, something terrifying to hit. Nothing. So, we prayed and we asked our friends to pray.
Life went on for us. In fact, I would go months without thinking about it. Time would go by, and I would be at work saying to myself, “Oh yeah, I need to pray about this.” Strangely enough, it became a non-issue for me. Even today, as I linger in this “wait and see” mode, I have a hard time remembering my condition.
In the past, when fear gripped my life, even the slightest tinge in a muscle would have pushed me into a panic attack. I constantly lived in the land of “what if’s”. But, by God’s empowering grace, I’ve been able to put my complete trust in him no matter what happens.
Please don’t think I’m some super Christian. Far from it. There were times when my mind wanted to play in the playground of “what if”. But, I simply chose not to go there. I got beat up too many times playing in that playground. Rather, I would pray, “Lord, I am yours. I trust you to take care of me.” And when I prayed that prayer, God’s peace filled my heart and I knew that he would take care of me just as he promised he would.
Today, maybe you’re facing something terrifying–cancer, a tumor, surgery, a bad doctor’s report. Your mind has constantly been playing at the “what if” playground, and it’s created fear and worry. Let me encourage you that God wants to help you through this dark time. God wants to empower you to trust him no matter what happens. His grace is sufficient, for his strength is made perfect in weaknessкухни (2 Corinthians 12:9).
Prayer: Father, I need you to help me through this difficult time in my life. This valley in front of me is dark, and I can’t see where it’s going to end. But, I know that I must walk through it. So today, I give you my life. I surrendered all that I am and all that I have to you. Jesus, forgive me of the wrong things I have done in my life. I choose today to turn away from those things and turn to you. My life is now in your hands. You created this body and this mind, and they are now yours. Empower me to trust you no matter what happens, for I am your child. I ask these things in Jesus’ name. Amen.
